Irene Morning
EPISODE 105
“The scary thing for me is like, I went into such a cave and such a tunnel with them that I needed to end. And I mean, writing a book is such a major creative process that it also, like, brings up all this stuff in your body, right?”
In this episode of Open Late Podcast, Jess again engages in an enlightening conversation with Irene Morning, a somatic coach, pleasure witch, intimacy educator, and the talented author behind "The Polyamory Paradox." Together, they talk deep into the world of Irene's creative process, unraveling the journey of how the book came to life. Irene's unique perspective and expertise shine through as she shares her insights on navigating polyamory and the intricacies of human emotions. Jessica openly shares her own personal experiences and the impact of both Irene's book and Irene on her journey. She highlights how the book has served as a roadmap, providing guidance and understanding in navigating polyamory and emotions.
In this Episode of Open Late:
Creative process of writing
How our emotions affect our thinking
The battle of Control vs. Containment
Personal impact of the book
Exploring "The Window of Tolerance"
Episode 56 mentioned in the episode: Mind, Body and Non-monogamy
Connect with Irene Morning:
• Instagram: @irene_morning
• Book: The Polyamory Paradox
• Website: https://www.irenemorning.com/
Connect with Jessica:
• Instagram: @journey.with.jessica | @openlatethepodcast
• Website: openlatepodcast.com
• YouTube: Open Late Podcast
• What's my relationship style? Take the Open Late Quiz
• Join our free chat community, "Open Talks" on WhatsApp
2:29 This is one of the most comprehend things, if not the most complete book to take you from the beginning, experiences through being able to live this way with as many tools as possible for any type of for any type of open relationship. - Jessica Esfandiary
4:04 I hope that the therapy scene is changing a little bit in corners of the therapy world. But I think that is one of the things where coaching gets to operate differently, where I don't necessarily have the same concerns professionally about self-disclosure, where I can tell my story more openly and not worry that that's going to interfere with my practice, but that actually it really supports my client. - Irene Morning
5:04 This book is not very coaching at all, but it has the elements of it that an amazing coach uses to reflect and guide and lay out these formulas and say, pick what works for you. I'm going to tell you the right way to do it. - Jessica Esfandiary
12:00 It’s like a self-protective mechanism. Something in me is just like erasing my memory of anything that I put on the page. You're just channeling and there was this really vulnerable moment for me where like it was going to print and I was waiting for like advanced praise from a few people, having no idea what they were going to say about it and feeling like and, you know, the, like abandonment wound in me was going like, Oh my God, you're going to get rejected. - Irene Morning
12:38 All of your peers are going to hate this thing and disagree with everything that you've written and your career will fall apart and no one will refer clients to you. I was totally spinning out in the future, tripping around that I'm sharing that. Every single author who's ever published a book has shit like that come up around it and especially if it includes personal information. - Irene Morning
13:43 There are things in this book that people disagree with, and I'm actually really excited to start those discussions more. But that kind of soothing of like, okay, I'm anxious about abandonment. And then here is this like I'm vulnerable. My vulnerability is being embraced essentially. - Irene Morning
17:31 Letting out of the place where you are hyper vigilant or somebody like constantly moving the goalposts. We celebrate it. - Jessica Esfandiary
19:41 To some degree this isn't exactly their language. But usually what we get to in some form in the conversation is that they're overstepping their own capacity to try to keep up with a partner's desire to be doing this. And it's not necessarily that they don't want to be doing it, but that they're going beyond what they can actually, like, comfortably accommodate at that particular point. - Irene Morning
22:06 Is your wife checking in with yourself to constantly refine, not just because you might be getting tangled up in or like and that's the, I think the light end of it. Some people get completely swept away. They're outside influences and with their partner's wants and desires. And also the other side of it too is terrifying so that you can either tighten up a little bit. - Jessica Esfandiary
24:17 We have a range in our nervous system, which really is sort of like our core thing for embodiment. It dictates everything about how we experience our body, which dictates everything about how we experience our lives in our present moment. We have a range in our nervous system that is sort of like optimal functioning, and that's the window of tolerance. - Irene Morning
25:49 The window of tolerance is kind of also where we're best at intimacy, where we're best at connection with other humans. - Irene Morning
26:23 If you're going through a really challenging experience in non-monogamy and you're finding yourself really struggling in a big way and triggered in a way that interferes with doing work or maintaining relationships or having healthy sleep or getting proper nutrition, all of these kind of like basic regulation things, you are probably operating outside your window of tolerance. - Irene Morning
36:36 70% or 80% of the recurring arguments that couples have. That conflict is not actually something that they can resolve. So the objective when we're doing conflict resolution and conflict work in a relationship is not necessarily to fix the source of that conflict, but is to look at how we can communicate about it more effectively, how can we navigate the conflict more effectively? - Irene Morning
38:53 At the end of the day, your whole purpose and I think your goal as a human, just knowing you in your work is to grow and to constantly reclaim the parts of yourself that don't feel whole. Whether you can call that inner child healing or, you know, soul. - Jessica Esfandiary
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