Irene Morning
EPISODE 106
“It’s this autonomy from l like leaning into giving up control but also having your agency. Find your personal “why” and then apply that to your relationship goals and agreements or whatever that is and have those check-ins because you’re constantly evolving. ”
In this episode of the Open Late Podcast, Jess continues her conversation with Irene Morning, the author of "The Polyamory Paradox." They delve into the topic of contemplating polyamory while understanding our personal triggers and its impact. Additionally, they discuss the importance of comprehending our partners' perspectives and avoiding pressuring them into “closing back the relationship”. Instead, encouraging open communication to address any issues that arise. They explore the concept of unsolvable problems that may arise in polyamorous relationships, as well as the feelings of isolation. They also explore the process of finding and building communities with like-minded individuals.
In this Episode of Open Late:
Understanding your triggers
The unsolvable problems of relationship
Control vs. Containment
Sex positive spaces and people's perception
Finding and building up like-minded communities
Connect with Irene Morning:
• Instagram: @irene_morning
• Book: The Polyamory Paradox
• Website: https://www.irenemorning.com
Connect with Jessica:
• Instagram: @journey.with.jessica | @openlatethepodcast
• Website: openlatepodcast.com
• YouTube: Open Late Podcast
• What's my relationship style? Take the Open Late Quiz
• Join our free chat community, "Open Talks" on WhatsApp
2:05 Particularly from people who know that they have some amount of trauma in their history, who identify with a complex PTSD diagnosis or know that mental health has been a struggle for them of thinking I really love some of the concepts in polyamory and I love the things that I've read about it, but I'm so afraid that for me it's untenable because I'll just get too triggered. – Irene Morning
4:31 If you are willing to open yourself up to these old wounds, it's actually not pain from the present really at all. It's really the pain from the old wounds. Then the possibility of like that matched the level of pleasure and excitement and experiences that make me feel amazingly whole and complete because it says inside yourself that’s within you. - Jessica Esfandiary
6:30 When we have rights that support us to help us digest actually what's going on there and what is the old pain that we can deal with and process on its own. Then in our present moment, we get to shift things to being less about I'm trying to control these situations and more in sort empowered, like I'm accessing my agency more. I need to create some containment so that I can stay in my power. - Irene Morning
7:52 It’s this autonomy from l like leaning into giving up control but also having your agency. Why your personal “why” and then to apply that to your relationship goals and agreements or whatever that is and have those check-ins because you're constantly evolving. – Irene Morning
8:25 One of the best things I got out of this book was I'm a decade in, and I don't need a ton of reassurance in my non-monogamy, but it's also so great to, like, have the reflections that would have been great for me when I was younger because it's still affirming. – Jessica Esfandiary
11:00 It is part of human relationship for us to make mistakes, to misunderstand each other, to do things that hurt each other, not intentionally, and to really get in this practice. If we have enough trust in someone, if someone has proven themselves enough. And I put that caveat on it because like this doesn't apply to situations of abuse. There is some nuance here. -Irene Morning
14:20 It makes me think about the monogamous relationships actually that I'm seeing transform based on some of these principles of non-monogamy that will never likely be non-monogamous, never open, but are using the tools of, like you know, seeing yourself as a whole person, being your partner as a whole person, and not expecting them to fill all your needs. – Jessica Esfandiary
15:00 I just love the idea that people will begin to use pleasure and intimacy and vulnerability and authenticity in ways that can open their relationship, just maybe not to other lovers, but just open their relationships, period, because that's like going to be such a beautiful world, probably totally like I'll be, you know, around for completely. – Jessica Esfandiary
17:02 Your jealousy is yours to manage, and you take ownership, and you figure out your insecurities, and you deal with it, and then it's like not fair to ask to close down a relationship, particularly if someone is polyamorous like in their identity and not just as like a contextual thing or a practice where for me and I say this also with the caveat of like if someone, if your partner is not in a place to close down the relationship, that is also completely within the reason of like their authority and their choice. You can't force someone to close down a relationship that also is not helpful. – Irene Morning
21:00 The moment that I was public about my non-monogamy, people came out of the woodwork. I've got people I went to high school with in the burn in which we called God's country cow Country, Pennsylvania, where there were Amish. And then tonight people in my high school and there are people there who are like, DMing me. But for the people who can't, I guess it's kind of like a rock and a hard place. – Jessica Esfandiary
25:20 LA does a lot of workshops, sexual education, sex positive spaces. I think a lot of people before they've ever been in that kind of context are coming to it with the expectation that if everyone's there to have sex, they are expected to have sex. And I really want everyone to hear loud and clear like that is not necessarily the case going into those spaces and saying, I want to actually just like to meet and make community here of people who are like-minded in their attitudes is not only welcome, it's actually very normal. – Irene Morning
31:41 What I need is more community around this. So can I give myself permission to actually just own that in some of these interactions and start to differentiate that out? I mean, it brings me back to the question of the beginning of like people anchoring into their why. I sometimes think as we evolve in this, we realize that our why for when we first start getting into non-monogamy is sometimes actually feeling like, okay, more relationships can fill this need for community that I didn't even realize was a need. – Irene Morning
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